1. Shaggy
        By far the #1 suspect. His clothes, his hair, his bad goatee,
        the boy converses with dogs. But all of this is nothing until
        you go to the Munchie Factor. Anybody who averages 9.3 dog treats
        consumed per episode smokes pot, no ifs, ands, or, buts about it.
        And look at the way him and his friends painted that van! Pretty
        rad design dude.

2. Daffy Duck
        If he isn't using crack, Marion Barry is clean. He is so wired
        he bounces around on his head without pain. Blows his beak off
        all the time. Some symptoms might be from "daffiness" but Haldol
        wouldn't work for him.

3. Dopey Dwarf
        He openly admits it. The other dwarfs deny involvement, but they
        are under investigation. Allegations are that Doc is writing
        some extra scripts for Sneezy and all the guys partaking are
        afloat.

4. Droopy
        The number one downer abuser in toon land. Can't someone slip
        him an upper every year or two. The only time I ever saw him
        happy is when he sees the picture of the babe.

5.& 6. Yogi and Boo Boo
        We all know what is really in those picnic baskets. They go back
        to the cave and trip.

7. He-Man
        This is an easy one. I mean c'mon. Roid monkey #1. "BY THE POWER
        OF ANABOL!!!!!!" Alone in his castle, hitting the weights. And on top of
        that he even injects it in his pet tiger. Can we say "Animal Abuse"?

8. Snagglepuss
        Can't explain it. Maybe it's the name, or the look, but he is suspicious.

9. Olive Oyl
        Probably Dexatrim abuse, maybe some amphetamines. Who is that
        skinny?! She might even be anorexic, she is always giving her
        burger to her friend.

10. Gargamel (From the Smurfs)
        Most likely LSD. Spends his life in pursuit of little blue guys
        in sissy white outfits and mentally abusing his cat. What does
        he plan to do with the blue dwarfs when he catches them anyway?

11.She-Ra
        Come on, any woman who is that buff is also poppin' 'roids. Besides,
        her brother is her supplier, and any horse that can fly has got to be lit up
        on something!

12.Hagar the Horrible
        I picture Hagar out on the lawn smoking some serious pot from a
        six-foot bong. After all, he does rampage through all the medieval castles
        stealing their stashes!

13.Calvin and Hobbes
        This kid has found the paint and is inhaling for hours. Any kid that talks to
        his tiger and gets tackled by it has got to be sniffing. Let's not forget all the
        memorable scenes of when his food becomes monsterous and tries to kill
        him. Psychadelic overload.
 
14.Stimpy
        Haven't you wondered why this cat is so fat?  Heavy case of the munchies.
        He hides all of his weed in his bags of Gritty Kitty Litter.  The cat is so high,
        he feels no pain when being smacked by Ren.

15.Jon (From Garfield)
        Let's face it, Jon has nothing better to do except suck the crack pipe and talk
        to his pets. Every now and then he lets Odie take a hit or two.

16.Peanuts
        Snoopy is just lit up on anything he can find. First, dogs don't sleep on their
        backs, and second, a dog that DOES sleep on his back on a 12/12 pitch roof
        has got to be stoned, cuz any coherent individual doesn't have the proper
        equalibrium to perform this balancing act. His pop just drinks his life away,
        it's Jack and Coke for that beagle.

17.Tigger
        There have been many accusations about Tigger, but I believe this behavior
        is due to his ADDS (attention deficit disorder syndrome) and low tolerance of
        Ridalin. This cat needs Prozac!

18.Rabbit
        Everyone know what Rabbit does in his house. Besides, he is always upset
        when people bother him. After all, I would be upset if people kept
        interrupting me while my hash brownies were cooking. And those aren't
        cooking spices he keeps, that is his dope supply, and those drums of so-called
        "honey" are merely his liquid cocaine stashes.

19.The Joker
        You would have to be trippin' to wear clothes that psychadelic.  After getting
        beat up every day, he is still laughing.  He can't even stop that huge smile,
        because he is so high.  I think him and the Riddler have parties and smoke
        out together.

20.Speedy Gonzales
       Yippa Yippa Needa Las Drugas!!!  This guy has had way too much speed.
       He's even named after it.  Has this rat ever gotten tired?
 

Numbers 14, 19, and 20 written by Nick Noechel
The rest, author unknown