Hi kids! I'm Hilary Rosen, the chief random number generator of the Recording Industry Association of America. I'm here to teach you about addition, subtraction, and multiplication.

Maths is easy when you remember the four basic letters: R, I, A, A!

Let's do some basic addition!

Example 1: (http://theregister.co.uk/content/6/28574.html)

Jimmy has 156 CD burners that burn at 40x. How many CD burners is that equivalent to?

Solution:

156+RIAA = 421.

See, kids? That was easy, wasn't it! Because Jimmy's burners are faster than regular burners, they can output the same amount of CDs as 421 regular burners.

Now for something more complex!

Example 2: (http://theregister.co.uk/content/6/28588.html)

In 1999, the record companies released 38,900 different titles. In 2001, they only released 27,000.

In the same period, actual sales of albums fell by 10.3%. That's right! Those nasty internet pirates managed to reduce sales by 10.3%!

How does this work?

If we define S as 'Sales', then the following applies:

(S*23900)-(S*27000)+RIAA = 0

That's right, kids! without that piracy, the difference between the two numbers is zero!

That's all today, kids. Remember, kids, MP3s are communism, and downloading from the internet is piracy!

Join me tomorrow when I reveal how to make an entire industry disappear overnight just by making up some numbers!

I know the logic is somewhat flawed at times, but it's been ages since I did maths. Besides, it still makes more sense than the RIAA...

Regards,

Tim "Hilary Rosen" Norman.