BARTS WRITINGS ON THE BLACKBOARD

1. I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom
2. I will not waste chalk
3. I will not skateboard in the halls
4. I will not burp in class
5. I will not instagate revolution
6. I did not see Elvis
7. I will not draw naked ladies in class
8. I will not call the teacher "Hot Cakes"
9. They are laughing at me, not with me
10. Garlic gum is not funny
11. I will not Xerox my butt
12. It's potato, not potatoe
13. Tar is not a plaything
14. I will not encourage others to fly
15. I will not fake my way through life
16. I will not trade pants with others
17. I will not drive the principal's car
18. I will not do that thing with my tongue
19. I am not a 32 year old woman
20. I will not pledge allegiance to Bart
21. I will not sell school property
22. I will not cut corners """""" """"""
23. I will not get very far with this attitude
24. I will not make flatuent noises in class
25. I will not sell school property
26. I will not belch the National Anthem
27. I will not sell land in Florida
28. I will not grease the monkey bars
29. I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment
30. I will not do anything bad ever again
31. I will not show off
32. I will not sleep through my education
33. Nobody likes sunburn slappers
34. I am not a dentist
35. Spitwads are not free speech
36. High explosives and school don't mix
37. I will not bribe Principal Skinner
38. I will not squeak chalk
39. I will finish what I sta
40. "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender
41. Underwear should be worn on the inside
42. The Christmas Pageant does not stink
43. I will not torment the emotionally frail
44. I will not carve gods
45. I will not aim for the head
46. I will not spank others
47. I will not barf unless I'm sick
48. I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty
49. I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
50. I am not Dr. Death
51. I will not conduct my own fire drills
52. Funny noises are not funny
53. I will not spin the turtle
54. I will not snap bras
55. I will not fake seizers
56. This punishment is not boring and pointless
57. I will not defame New Orleans
58. I will not prescribe medication
59. I will not bury the new kid
60. I will not teach others to fly
61. I will not bring sheep to class
62. A burp is not an answer
63. Teacher is not a leper
64. Coffee is not for kids
65. I will not eat things for money
66. I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call
67. The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee
68. I will not call the principal "spud head"
69. Goldfish don't bounce
70. Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
71. I will not sell miracle cures
72. I will return the seeing-eye dog
73. I will not charge admission to the bathroom
74. I do not have diplomatic immunity
75. I will not win an Emmy
76. The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy
77. All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy
78. I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause
79. I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
80. I will not go near the kindergarten turtle
81. My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man
82. I am not deliciously saucy
83. Organ transplants are best left to professionals
84. The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan
85. No one is interested in my underpants
86. I will not celebrate meaningless milestones
87. There are plenty of business like show business
88. Five days is not too long to wait for a gun
89. I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball
90. Beans are neither fruit nor musical
91. I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr.
92. I will not send lard through the mail
93. I will not dissect things unless instructed
94. I will not whittle hall passes out of soap
95. Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough
96. Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal
97. "Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice
98. Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does
99. Next time it could be me on the scaffolding
100. I will not hang donuts on my person
101. I will remember to take my medication
102. I will not strut around like I own the place
103. This is not a clue. . .or is it?
104. "Bewitched" does not promote Satanism
105. The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far
106. I do not have the power of attorney over first graders
107. I will not complain about the solution when I hear it
108. I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface
109. The First Amendment does not cover burping
110. Nerve gas is not a toy
111. I will not use abbrev.
112. No one wants to hear from my armpits
113. I am not a lean mean spitting machine
114. The boys room is not a water park
115. Indian burns are not our cultural heritage
116. I will stop talking about the twelve ich pianist
117. Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things
118. I am not certified to remove asbestos
119. I will only do this once a year
120. The truth is not out there
121. I will not hide the teacher's prozac
122. I am not my long-lost twin
123. I am not licensed to do anything
124. A fire drill does not demand a fire